Psychology
9:37 PM
I haven't dipped much into personality theory yet, and I thought it was high time that I did so!
In 1902, Charles Horton Cooley came up with the concept of the Looking Glass Self. To Cooley, a person is comprised of many different selves which we portray to the world. The way we decipher which self to present in any given moment is dependent on the social situation that we are in. One way of looking at this is to watch and become aware of how you act around your dad, and compare it to how you act around your best friend. Clearly, "who you are" changes dramatically from one situation to the next. Why was this? It was because, according to the Looking Glass Self theory, you thought that these people viewed you in a different light and you felt it necessary to have to live up to their expectations. Cooley's theory is ripe with the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies. If I perceive you to think that I'm an asshole, I'm going to be resentful of that and fulfill your belief of me being an asshole to you. The sum of this theory can be found in the following statements:
I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I'm who I think you think I am.
So, as stated, we become what we believe others expect us to be, as illustrated in the picture. Think about a time when you were in the company of someone who you think respects you. You will do all in your power to be consistent with their expectations, doing your best not to let them down. Knowing this theory may give you some freedom to alter your actions; if you're aware enough of your motivation for your actions you can alter how you act around someone in order to change their opinion instead of playing into it, which most people have tried to do without knowing this theory. Dale Carnegie would adamantly agree with this theory; in one of his books, he said that the only way to make someone trustworthy is to treat them as if they already are. Don't misconstrue this. He's not saying it's guaranteed to make someone trustworthy, but it's the only situation that will bring forth such qualities. To turn it around, you can't make someone trustworthy by treating them suspiciously.
The Looking Glass Self is consistent with one of Carl Jung's theories of the archetypes of personality. There are many archetypes, but one in particular is related to Cooley's theory: the persona. To Jung, the persona is the mask that we wear in different situations. When at work, we're our working selves, with our kids, we're our parental selves, etc. Jung felt that these masks could become pathological if we ended up becoming too committed to any particular one. For example, If we became too committed to the introversion mask, we become awkward in social settings, unable to communicate effectively, and even more withdrawn due to our social awkwardness; conversely, if we become too committed to the extroversion mask, we become too flexible with our self, producing glaring inconsistencies from situation to situation that will produce other problems.
Overall, I found this to be a generally accurate and intriguing perspective to take on how behaviour changes from situation to situation. Our survival depends in large part to our co-operation with others, so it is wired specifically to read others well. This theory doesn't apply solely to negative reactions either, as demonstrated by Carnegie above. So, who are we, in general, you might ask? Well, personality is defined in the realm of psychology as a dynamic and organized set of characteristics possessed by a person that uniquely influences his or her cognitions, motivations, and behaviours in various situations. One of the key parts of personality, though, is its pervasiveness, which is not mentioned in that definition. We are the commonalities that appear between these social situations. Where does the isolated self - the self when you're alone - play into this? Well I'm not quite sure, so I'll throw that your way. Feel free to enlighten me in your comments.
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Psychology,
Reaction
8:40 PM
I came across this post the other day and thought it was a great analysis of the habits we gravitate towards, namely genres of video games for you gamers out there. I fully support the following message:
It turns out there are two different ways people respond to challenges. Some people see them as opportunities to perform - to demonstrate their talent or intellect. Others see them as opportunities to master - to improve their skill or knowledge.
Helpful,
Psychology
6:51 PM
So far, I've looked at a fair bit of existentialism and general psych theories, but haven't looked at directly applicable strategies that you can use in your daily life. So, if that's what you're looking for, then you're in for a treat! Time for a few persuasion techniques!
First up is the Door-In-The-Face (DITF) technique. DITF technique is when you ask for something ridiculous, then back it off to what you really want. You bluff by pushing the person much further than they're willing to go, and much further than you need them to budge, followed by a 'compromise' of backing off and suggesting closer to what you're really requesting. An example of this would be if you needed to borrow $50 from a friend, who we'll name Bill. When you first approach Bill, you ask him to lend you $100, which he'll refuse. You say "Fine! How about just lending me $50?", far increasing your chances of borrowing money from Bill than if you walked up and asked for $50 straight up because it appears you've made a huge compromise, and it's much smaller than you originally requested.
Next is the Foot-In-The-Door (FITD) technique. FITD builds off of a psychological principle of consistency. Consistency can be seen as building off of our personal concepts and cognitive dissonance; when we do something, we view ourselves as people who do that activity. The more we do something, the more incorporated into our self-concept that is. When we do something that breaks that new self-concept, or we know we're doing something we shouldn't be doing, we feel cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling when you hold two conflicting ideas simultaneously, which can only be resolved by mentally resolving the conflict. An example of this would be smokers: they know they smoke, they do it on the daily. They realize that it may end up killing them, and, at the very least, is not at all beneficial to them. Most people don't like to view themselves as self-harming, so this would challenge that assumption. They have two options: quit smoking, or challenge the assumption that it's harming to smoke. Which do you find is more common? Anyway, the skinny on consistency is that people to keep in line with their self-concepts, therefore, if you get them to do one thing, they're more likely to do a similar thing that is in line with that original act. For example, ask to borrow $5, then pay them back. They will start building a concept of seeing themselves as someone who lends money - more importantly, they will view themselves as someone who lends money to you in particular. If your ultimate goal is to borrow the acclaimed $50 from Bill, then borrowing and paying back that $5 earlier will make him more likely to lend you an even larger amount. Hurray!
Now, this last one may seem a little cynical, but bear with me. In order to get anyone to do anything, you must get them to want to do it. There is no other way. None. I repeat, you must make them want to do it. How do you get someone to want to do something? The first - and only - way I'm going to be covering is to open up, foremost, by telling them how whatever you're wanting is going to benefit them. Quite obvious, right? Obvious or not, people seem to try to sell their points by explaining why they, the seller, want something. Why should the buyer care? Think of the last time you did something for someone else: was it out of pity for their situation? Or was it for some sort of personal gain, tangible or not? My main point is that the mass majority of people are going to be far more persuaded into doing or wanting something by seeing how it will help them than by pleading to them to take pity on you or giving your reasons why you want it.
Keep these things in mind and try them in practice when you next want something from someone else, which will be soon. Give them a shot, I promise you won't be disappointed!
Bonus: The sweetest sound anyone can ever hear is their own name. Keep this in mind when you're trying to get on someone's good side!
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