High Self-Esteem: Not always a good thing
This post is in line with my previous one regarding the problem of narcissism in more recent generations.
As many of you may have probably noticed over the years, teachers and parents seem to equate high self-esteem with good grades. Uncanny that there is a correlation between the two, but not quite in the direction they saw it.
Maybe you already know this, but I feel it's important to emphasize: correlation does not mean causation. Just because two things happen together, doesn't mean one necessarily makes the other happen. In this instance, teachers and parents assumed that kids with high self-esteem were more determined, confident, and successful because of it. As it seems to be dawning on us, it's the other way around, if anything. What we ended up with was a group of people with a fragile sense of self who believe that the world is effortlessly theirs for the taking, eventually leading to a breach of their self-image when someone points out a flaw. Their view of the world might not be a bad thing if these people are some form of royalty or in some social experiment where this was actually an accurate view of their situation, but clearly it isn't.
No, what we have are people who demand reverence and awe in their presence. What happens if you don't bow before their greatness? Well, there's a number of outcomes, none of them good: they could throw a tantrum, they could violently lash out, and/or they could pout. All very irritating, especially if you're somehow lucky enough as to have to work with them.
Yes, we've come to a sad realization that not everyone deserves self-esteem. Those who do not earn it through hard work have a fragile veneer of a self. People should feel good about themselves, but within reason. If you've gained a degree of success and you've worked hard to get there, feel good! If you've not done much and have nothing to show, don't despair, just aspire to achieve!
Moral of the story: When trying to get someone - or yourself - to feel better about themselves, don't excessively compliment when there's nothing worth complimenting. This detracts from your compliments severely and leads to the above problem. Rather, encourage them to pick up a hobby or to do some self-improvement (tactfully) to bring about something actually worth being proud of.
I like it :). A similar issue is that of trying to avoid or remove depressions through means other than it was intended for. A lot of the time depression is used to put one into a critical state in order to review what brought them into depression and eliminate or reduce it from being a repeated cause in the future. However you will often find when someone is depressed they seek quick fixes or rely on factors other than themselves to cheer them up and break them out of such a state. Instead of an inflated ego they are left with a hole filled with spikes merely covered with twigs and leaves almost inevitably doomed to be reopened.