High Self-Esteem: Not always a good thing

| 1 comments

This post is in line with my previous one regarding the problem of narcissism in more recent generations.

As many of you may have probably noticed over the years, teachers and parents seem to equate high self-esteem with good grades. Uncanny that there is a correlation between the two, but not quite in the direction they saw it.

Maybe you already know this, but I feel it's important to emphasize: correlation does not mean causation. Just because two things happen together, doesn't mean one necessarily makes the other happen. In this instance, teachers and parents assumed that kids with high self-esteem were more determined, confident, and successful because of it. As it seems to be dawning on us, it's the other way around, if anything. What we ended up with was a group of people with a fragile sense of self who believe that the world is effortlessly theirs for the taking, eventually leading to a breach of their self-image when someone points out a flaw. Their view of the world might not be a bad thing if these people are some form of royalty or in some social experiment where this was actually an accurate view of their situation, but clearly it isn't.

No, what we have are people who demand reverence and awe in their presence. What happens if you don't bow before their greatness? Well, there's a number of outcomes, none of them good: they could throw a tantrum, they could violently lash out, and/or they could pout. All very irritating, especially if you're somehow lucky enough as to have to work with them.

Yes, we've come to a sad realization that not everyone deserves self-esteem. Those who do not earn it through hard work have a fragile veneer of a self. People should feel good about themselves, but within reason. If you've gained a degree of success and you've worked hard to get there, feel good! If you've not done much and have nothing to show, don't despair, just aspire to achieve!

Moral of the story: When trying to get someone - or yourself - to feel better about themselves, don't excessively compliment when there's nothing worth complimenting. This detracts from your compliments severely and leads to the above problem. Rather, encourage them to pick up a hobby or to do some self-improvement (tactfully) to bring about something actually worth being proud of.

A Dip into Personality

| 0 comments



I haven't dipped much into personality theory yet, and I thought it was high time that I did so!
In 1902, Charles Horton Cooley came up with the concept of the Looking Glass Self. To Cooley, a person is comprised of many different selves which we portray to the world. The way we decipher which self to present in any given moment is dependent on the social situation that we are in. One way of looking at this is to watch and become aware of how you act around your dad, and compare it to how you act around your best friend. Clearly, "who you are" changes dramatically from one situation to the next. Why was this? It was because, according to the Looking Glass Self theory, you thought that these people viewed you in a different light and you felt it necessary to have to live up to their expectations. Cooley's theory is ripe with the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies. If I perceive you to think that I'm an asshole, I'm going to be resentful of that and fulfill your belief of me being an asshole to you. The sum of this theory can be found in the following statements:
I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I'm who I think you think I am.
So, as stated, we become what we believe others expect us to be, as illustrated in the picture. Think about a time when you were in the company of someone who you think respects you. You will do all in your power to be consistent with their expectations, doing your best not to let them down. Knowing this theory may give you some freedom to alter your actions; if you're aware enough of your motivation for your actions you can alter how you act around someone in order to change their opinion instead of playing into it, which most people have tried to do without knowing this theory. Dale Carnegie would adamantly agree with this theory; in one of his books, he said that the only way to make someone trustworthy is to treat them as if they already are. Don't misconstrue this. He's not saying it's guaranteed to make someone trustworthy, but it's the only situation that will bring forth such qualities. To turn it around, you can't make someone trustworthy by treating them suspiciously.

The Looking Glass Self is consistent with one of Carl Jung's theories of the archetypes of personality. There are many archetypes, but one in particular is related to Cooley's theory: the persona. To Jung, the persona is the mask that we wear in different situations. When at work, we're our working selves, with our kids, we're our parental selves, etc. Jung felt that these masks could become pathological if we ended up becoming too committed to any particular one. For example, If we became too committed to the introversion mask, we become awkward in social settings, unable to communicate effectively, and even more withdrawn due to our social awkwardness; conversely, if we become too committed to the extroversion mask, we become too flexible with our self, producing glaring inconsistencies from situation to situation that will produce other problems.

Overall, I found this to be a generally accurate and intriguing perspective to take on how behaviour changes from situation to situation. Our survival depends in large part to our co-operation with others, so it is wired specifically to read others well. This theory doesn't apply solely to negative reactions either, as demonstrated by Carnegie above. So, who are we, in general, you might ask? Well, personality is defined in the realm of psychology as a dynamic and organized set of characteristics possessed by a person that uniquely influences his or her cognitions, motivations, and behaviours in various situations. One of the key parts of personality, though, is its pervasiveness, which is not mentioned in that definition. We are the commonalities that appear between these social situations. Where does the isolated self - the self when you're alone - play into this? Well I'm not quite sure, so I'll throw that your way. Feel free to enlighten me in your comments.

For more current ideas and writing, please check out:

Motivation Theory and Video Games

, | 0 comments

I came across this post the other day and thought it was a great analysis of the habits we gravitate towards, namely genres of video games for you gamers out there. I fully support the following message:

It turns out there are two different ways people respond to challenges. Some people see them as opportunities to perform - to demonstrate their talent or intellect. Others see them as opportunities to master - to improve their skill or knowledge.

Persuasion

, | 0 comments

So far, I've looked at a fair bit of existentialism and general psych theories, but haven't looked at directly applicable strategies that you can use in your daily life. So, if that's what you're looking for, then you're in for a treat! Time for a few persuasion techniques!
First up is the Door-In-The-Face (DITF) technique. DITF technique is when you ask for something ridiculous, then back it off to what you really want. You bluff by pushing the person much further than they're willing to go, and much further than you need them to budge, followed by a 'compromise' of backing off and suggesting closer to what you're really requesting. An example of this would be if you needed to borrow $50 from a friend, who we'll name Bill. When you first approach Bill, you ask him to lend you $100, which he'll refuse. You say "Fine! How about just lending me $50?", far increasing your chances of borrowing money from Bill than if you walked up and asked for $50 straight up because it appears you've made a huge compromise, and it's much smaller than you originally requested.
Next is the Foot-In-The-Door (FITD) technique. FITD builds off of a psychological principle of consistency. Consistency can be seen as building off of our personal concepts and cognitive dissonance; when we do something, we view ourselves as people who do that activity. The more we do something, the more incorporated into our self-concept that is. When we do something that breaks that new self-concept, or we know we're doing something we shouldn't be doing, we feel cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling when you hold two conflicting ideas simultaneously, which can only be resolved by mentally resolving the conflict. An example of this would be smokers: they know they smoke, they do it on the daily. They realize that it may end up killing them, and, at the very least, is not at all beneficial to them. Most people don't like to view themselves as self-harming, so this would challenge that assumption. They have two options: quit smoking, or challenge the assumption that it's harming to smoke. Which do you find is more common? Anyway, the skinny on consistency is that people to keep in line with their self-concepts, therefore, if you get them to do one thing, they're more likely to do a similar thing that is in line with that original act. For example, ask to borrow $5, then pay them back. They will start building a concept of seeing themselves as someone who lends money - more importantly, they will view themselves as someone who lends money to you in particular. If your ultimate goal is to borrow the acclaimed $50 from Bill, then borrowing and paying back that $5 earlier will make him more likely to lend you an even larger amount. Hurray!
Now, this last one may seem a little cynical, but bear with me. In order to get anyone to do anything, you must get them to want to do it. There is no other way. None. I repeat, you must make them want to do it. How do you get someone to want to do something? The first - and only - way I'm going to be covering is to open up, foremost, by telling them how whatever you're wanting is going to benefit them. Quite obvious, right? Obvious or not, people seem to try to sell their points by explaining why they, the seller, want something. Why should the buyer care? Think of the last time you did something for someone else: was it out of pity for their situation? Or was it for some sort of personal gain, tangible or not? My main point is that the mass majority of people are going to be far more persuaded into doing or wanting something by seeing how it will help them than by pleading to them to take pity on you or giving your reasons why you want it.
Keep these things in mind and try them in practice when you next want something from someone else, which will be soon. Give them a shot, I promise you won't be disappointed!
Bonus: The sweetest sound anyone can ever hear is their own name. Keep this in mind when you're trying to get on someone's good side!

For a Psychological Perspective on Australian or Chinese Culture, or tips on lifestyle design and development, check out my new blog:

Hiatus

| 7 comments

To whom this may concern,

As some of you know, I'm in my last term of University and have been quite busy. In line with that, I have had very little time; I ended up being forced to put this on the back burner and stop publishing posts for quite a while. In everyone's best interest, I decided it would be best if I put off coming back until I was able to fully commit myself to a regular updating schedule.

Look forward my hiatus being over when we hit late April/early may.

Thanks for your interest and concern!

Take care!

Reaction: 5 Psychological Experiments

, | 0 comments

Alright, this post is going to be a reaction to an article published my Cracked.com. Cracked is known to do many lists similar to this. Usually I'll just read them, letting them slide if I disagree with them. This time is not such a case because it's so very frustrating to read this because they make such a faulty conclusion based on these studies. The article is titled 5 Psychological Experiments That Prove Humanity is Doomed.

The introduction is equally ridiculous as the rest of it: "Psychologists know to be careful ... because [they're] never sure what [they'll] find in there." Right. Specifically Psychologists? Not biologists, chemists, physicists, environmental sciences, economics, nor sociology? Oh, that's right. Psychology is somehow set apart because it studies people directly and can come across scary things that apply directly do us (unlike the rest just listed).

Experiment #5. The Asch Conformity Experiment

This experiment, if anything, proves that humanity will be more likely to survive. As much as we don't like to admit it, conformity is a good thing for a species' survival. Think about it: humans are communal beings who rely on one another to survive. If this weren't true, we would all be doing whatever we damn well please, and there would be no society or group to speak of. That kind of framework would ultimately lead to our destruction and we would be picked off by more organized groups of predators, or ones that were physically stronger. Sure, if we did that from the get-go, we could've become lone predators, but then we wouldn't be humans, would we? Furthermore, some participants did hold out given the immense social pressure for this experiment, despite the obvious signs of anxiety that manifested. If you're so anti-conformity to think that conformity equates to doom, your hope lies within these people.

Experiment #4. The Good Samaritan Experiment

Alright, this one may prove their case a bit more than the last one. Here, though, the study was most likely run in western society. Why does this matter? We're very individualistic in the West. Generally speaking, people believe that we get what we deserve; hard work and perseverance wins out no matter what! Plainly speaking, this is a load of shit, but that's another post altogether. My point here is that people with such a worldview will be less likely to help someone in need when they don't have the luxury of time to spare, despite being seminary students (not that priests-in-training are especially moral, anyway). A cross-cultural study of this has probably been done, but I don't feel like digging through archives to find it. Needless to say, people don't feel responsible for things that they aren't directly involved in.

This is related to the old moral dilemma: You're standing at a switch in a railway station. If you don't throw the switch, 10 people are going to die; If you throw the switch, only 1 person will die because it'll change the track that the train will go on. When presented with this problem, the majority of people will flip the switch. Now we change the situation: 10 people are still on the tracks,  but instead of standing at a switch you're standing by a really large fat man. You can guarantee that this fat man will stop the train enough to save these 10 people; Do you push him onto the tracks? Most people say no, despite the same outcomes present are the same as last time.

Experiment #3. Bystander Apathy Experiment

This study also has some merit to their conclusion, but education about this should be able to bring it more under control. Like they teach in First Aid training: take charge, assign specific people to do certain things. If you need someone to call 911 (and you probably will if you're using your mad first aid skillz), you don't yell out "someone call 911!", you say "You! In the Blue shirt! Yeah, you! Call 911!" By doing this, you're assigning 100% of the responsibility on this poor sap, dramatically increasing the chances of the job getting done. Also, you may notice that this experiment was based off of something I covered earlier: the Kitty Genovese tragedy. Bottom line for this experiment: Discovery is the first step to mastery; knowing about this problem is a major step in fixing it. I find their conclusion that we're all seeking reasons to not step in to be faulty. As discussed in the Kitty Genovese post, there are alternative explanations other than people being self-centered assholes who live and let die.

Experiment #2:  The Stanford Prison Experiment

This experiment also gives some merit that we're screwed, but it falls into a similar category as experiment #5: It's simple in-group, out-group views where we conform to what we think we need to do to satisfy, and remain in, the group we're part of. Yes, it got out of hand because power corrupts, but this isn't anything new that this experiment had brought to light. It's not like we're often given absolute power with no checks or balances to keep us from doing whatever we please, is it? Unless you're a sociopath, you'll still follow social norms. Ironically, the very fact that we conform to social norms will stop us from doing things like this, generally speaking, because it's not socially acceptable to abuse others in such a way.

Experiment #1: The Milgram Experiments

They come to a faulty conclusion, yet again, due to the fact that conformity is actually a good thing! Sure, when put to use for perceived evil acts, this is be a bad thing. But consider the flip side: when under the rule of someone with good intentions, people will be more likely to do good things instead of evil. As with the prison experiment, social norms will actually stop us from acting like assholes.

By the way, I question the credibility of the puppy torturing experiment they reference at the very end; Doesn't seem like it would get ethics clearance, and would likely get the full wrath of PETA. It's overly simplified to say that "all it takes to get 8 out of 10 people to torture a puppy is to wear a lab coat and ask them to."

Hey! Want to torture a puppy? Right..

My main reaction to this: Even if every experiment they sited showed the darkest sides of humans (and believe me, there are worse ones than these), it wouldn't prove anything. It's all up to interpretation, as any experiment is. Though, you could also say that science doesn't prove anything, it just disproves things and makes certain conclusions more likely.